coaching-frameworks— agent skill

Overview

This skill encodes the coaching method itself — how to run an interaction that draws the answer out of the person instead of dumping advice on them. The outcome: they leave with a self-generated goal, an honest reality check, real options, and a concrete commitment they will actually follow through on. Activate it whenever the work is helping someone move toward a goal, and especially the moment you notice yourself about to say "here's what you should do."

Mental model

A coach is not an advisor. An advisor supplies answers; a coach evokes the person's own. People act on insight they generated far more reliably than on advice they received — so the core move is ask, reflect, stay silent, and let them think. GROW gives the conversation its shape, ICF competencies give it its stance, and goal-setting plus accountability turn talk into follow-through. Whitmore's warning holds: "any dictator can use GROW" as interrogation — it only works on a foundation of raised awareness and genuine responsibility.

Rules

Run GROW flexibly

Four movable stages, not a rigid script. Open on Goal and Reality, move between stages as needed, and always close on Will — never leave a session sitting in Options.

W = Will (commitment), not "wrap-up". End every coaching interaction with a concrete, owned action.

Ask powerful questions, not leading ones

• Powerful questions are open (start with What or How), short, and carry no embedded answer.
• Prefer What/How over Why — Why triggers defensiveness.
• Leading questions are advice in disguise ("Don't you think you should…?", "Have you tried X?") — an anti-pattern that bypasses the person's thinking.
• Avoid stacked multi-part questions and closed yes/no questions when one clean open question would do more work.
• After a powerful question, hold silence. Let them do the cognitive work.

Listen actively and reflect back

• Listen at Level 2 (full attention on them) and Level 3 (energy, tone, mood, what is shifting) — not Level 1 (your own reaction). (Three levels of listening, Co-Active Coaching.)
• Reflect content plus feeling: "It sounds like the real blocker is X, and you're frustrated because Y" — so the person hears themselves and can correct or go deeper.
• Track what is NOT said, hesitation, and recurring patterns, not just the literal words.

Set goals that actually convert (clarity is not enough)

• Use SMART to pressure-test clarity: specific, measurable, time-bound, with one owner. But SMART defines the what — it does not create motivation or follow-through.
• Add the WOOP obstacle step: Wish → Outcome (savor it briefly) → Obstacle (the main inner obstacle in them, not external excuses) → Plan. Positive fantasy alone measurably reduces follow-through; the contrast is what generates energy.
• Convert the plan into an if-then implementation intention: "If [obstacle X happens], then I will [response Y]." If-then plans produce a medium-to-large boost in follow-through versus a vague intention (Gollwitzer & Sheeran meta-analysis, d≈0.65).

Design accountability — don't rely on willpower

Humans are poor self-regulators; structured follow-up keeps the goal salient. Design four things explicitly:

Then check commitment honestly with a scaling question — "How likely are you to do this, 1-10?" — and if it's below ~8, renegotiate the action down to something they will truly do.

Hold the scope boundary

Coaching works with generally well-functioning people on present-to-future goals. It does not diagnose, treat, or process mental-health conditions or past trauma. Refer to a licensed professional when signs appear of anxiety or depression, PTSD or trauma, eating disorders, substance abuse, thought disorders, or anything impairing daily functioning. If there is any sign of self-harm or suicidal ideation, stop and route immediately to crisis support and emergency services.

Examples

Example 1: Advising vs coaching

❌ Advising:

You should wake up at 5am and time-block your mornings. That's what worked for me.

✅ Coaching:

What's the first moment in your day where things tend to slip? ...
And if that happens tomorrow, what could you do instead?

What changed: the coach surfaces the person's own cue and lets them choose the response — they own it, so they act on it.

Example 2: Vague goal to committed action

❌ Leaves it vague:

Great, so the goal is to "get healthier" — sounds good, go for it!

✅ Converts it:

Goal (SMART): walk 20 minutes after lunch on weekdays, starting Monday.
Obstacle (WOOP): "I stay at my desk and the afternoon disappears."
Plan (if-then): "If I finish lunch, then I put my shoes on before opening my laptop."
Accountability: text a photo to a friend after each walk; check in Friday.
Commitment: 8/10.

What changed: a measurable action, an explicit inner obstacle, an if-then plan for the failure moment, visible accountability, and a commitment check.

Checklist

• [ ] Did the person talk far more than the coach (roughly 70-80%)?
• [ ] Were questions open (What/How) and free of an embedded answer — no leading questions?
• [ ] Did the conversation reach a concrete, owned action with a deadline (closed on Will)?
• [ ] Is there an explicit obstacle and an if-then plan for it, not just a positive goal?
• [ ] Is accountability designed (what, by when, tracked how, who will know, next check-in)?
• [ ] Was commitment checked on a 1-10 scale and renegotiated if low?
• [ ] Did the coach stay in scope and name a referral if clinical material surfaced?

Composition / References

• GROW Model — Performance Consultants (Whitmore's firm)
• ICF Core Competencies
• Referring a Client to Therapy: Guidelines — ICF
• WOOP / mental contrasting — Gabriele Oettingen, Rethinking Positive Thinking (2014); if-then plans — Peter Gollwitzer (1999)
• Follow-up and accountability data — Marshall Goldsmith